Ha, ha. [ so deadpan. ] Usually, it's monsters. Memories. Every once in awhile, you get your regular randomly scheduled appearances from our relatives.
[ he's skeptical about repeating the invitation, if only because there are other dreams. unmentionable ones. suddenly, he feels very self-conscious about Nico walking around in his dreams, seeing all there is to see. ]
Yeah. Why not? If it helps you sleep, I'm okay with it. [ he's shrugging, playing it down, but it's the wry grin that has him tacking on: ] But you can't hold whatever you see in there against me.
[ turning on his side to better regard percy, he watches the way his shoulders rise and fall, much like his own had. being this close to percy is comforting in a way he'd never expected and the fact percy still offers to share his dreams makes something warm rise in his chest.
slowly, almost nervously, he reaches out for one of percy's hands. if he stumbles over something strange or even unmentionable, it's more than likely he'll keep such things to himself. ]
Your dreams can't be any more weird than some of the other stuff we've been through. Anyway, we should find a way to help you get some sleep tonight.
[ he adjusts in bed, sinking into the bed and the pillows. Nico flips onto his side and Percy smiles at him lazily. this isn't so bad. it's camping without the outdoors. how many times has he fallen asleep next to a friend in the wilderness? sure, they've kissed and held hands ( and oh, look, they're doing it again ), that doesn't mean they can't remain friendly.
in bed together.
as friends.
it's just a hand. it's only Nico's hand. he tells himself to get a grip and links their fingers, glad for the company. ]
They're pretty normal for a demigod... and a guy. [ why does he go there? his dreams are about as mortifying as pointing that out. ] I don't know why I said that. Go ahead and pretend I didn't. I'm already getting tired. You can tell by the word avalanche.
[ moving again so that now he's nearly hovering over percy while still allowing him to shift away in case the position makes percy uncomfortable, he returns the lazy smile, albeit a bit more slowly. smiling around percy is harder than it is to smile around other people. he's not sure why. it's almost as if it's revealing himself to percy in some way.
he gives the hand now in his a gentle squeeze. ]
It's okay. I get it. I'm a guy too, remember? [ wryly. ] And you always talk a lot. It's one of the things I've always liked about you.
Gee, thanks. I love it when people tell me I have a big mouth. [ he rolls his eyes all in mock offense, perfectly aware that nico's complimenting him. percy can be counted on for his honesty and that's a good trait even if he happens to say way more than he means to. he's also conscious of nico ( almost ) leaning over him. he plays it down, acts like he's not hyper-aware of the fact that he's never been in bed with anyone but his girlfriend.
[ hey, rolling of the eyes is his trademark. so he frowns lightly instead. his eyes rove over percy's features, briefly pausing at his lips before shifting up again towards percy's eyes. there, they stay, holding percy's gaze. it would be easy to get lost in those eyes, and nico has to consciously make an effort to drag his gaze away. he looks at their joined hands instead. ]
I could. Maybe. If....
Edited (idk what i was thinking with that punctuation) 2017-03-08 23:29 (UTC)
[ sharing is caring? he's trying it on for size. anyway, it's the best he can do with nico's dark eyes on him. is he looking at his mouth? of course he is. percy's words are dragging him there and luring him in. maybe don't draw attention if you don't want him to look at you like that, he chides himself. is that true anymore? does he not want nico to look at him? maybe. maybe he wants to be looked at but without any of the pressure he knows nico probably can't hold back forever.
he props himself up on his elbows slowly to meet nico somewhere in the middle and drags his hand away in the process, if only to support himself better. with nico looking down, it doesn't seem like he's too close. ] ...If?
[ are they going to be sharing a lot of things now? and nico's eyes return to percy again when their hands come apart. percy is closer now that he's propped up and nico can feel a lump forming in his throat. he hold's the son of poseidon's gaze and in his chest, feels that familiar squeeze, like his heart can't decide to slow down or speed up. he wants so much, but doesn't know if he should do anything. it's one thing to have agreed on occasionally helping each other, knowing that percy had liked the kisses between them so far. but it's vastly different when he's lying in bed with the other boy. in the bed that percy is meant to share with annabeth.
self-consciously licking his lips and finding them a bit dry, he wonders how to respond. his original idea of a sarcastic remark seems to have evaporated. ]
[ if he says he doesn't feel something in the air shift, he's lying. nico lifts his gaze and percy thinks about how strikingly handsome he's become over the years. has it always been that way? has it taken percy this long to really open his eyes and see nico in that light? it's like ever since that first kiss he can't stop stealing glances at him when he knows nico isn't paying attention, or thinking about how he'd felt pressed against him. whoa, whoa, whoa! he pumps the brakes on that train of thought, if only because he knows exactly how thin the walls of their bedrooms are.
he watches nico wet his lips and curls his fingers in the sheets to steady himself.
it's dark but not so dark that he can't see. there's a wash of blue light over the room from a starfish-shaped light in the corner of the room but he knows nico could still find his features in the pitch black of night. to him his own heartbeat is the loudest sound in the room. ] Is that what you want?
[ while percy deliberates, watches him, nico never tears his eyes away. he's fallen into that verdant green gaze and simply can't escape. it doesn't help that he's always been attractive to percy's features, always found him devastatingly appealing. puberty had been hell with percy around, which had been part of the reason he spent so much time avoiding the sea's favored son. now able to control some of those urges he'd once had, he can manage to look percy in the eye without fearing the reveal of his feelings. feelings of which percy is already aware.
the moment passes for nico in both an instant and over the span of eternity. he doesn't hold his breath, but when percy does respond, he swallows. if percy's heart is loud to him, nico doesn't hear it. in his own ears is the sound of his breathing and the measured thrumming of his own heart. he doesn't think about will, doesn't think about how thin the walls are, doesn't think about anything but the way percy's mouth moves. ]
and percy thinks about how tired he is of doing what's expected of him - being a pawn on a chess board, running errands for the gods, giving up annabeth by being here and following this stupid city's rules - and he thinks about how nico is right here in front of him and how nico doesn't care about the fact that percy can't promise him anything. ( for once in his life, he's working on not making empty promises. ) he hates himself for it a little ( in the same way he'd hated hearing annabeth say his name with fear in it in tartarus ) but it doesn't stop him because people are counting on him, and annabeth isn't here.
she's not here.
nico is.
he does what he does best and he stops thinking. percy grabs nico by the collar of his shirt and drags him in for a kiss, still leaning back on one arm to support his weight. it's not a bright idea, not when he's in nothing but a white shirt and a pair of black boxers. ( if he were still thinking, he'd remind himself it's okay because there's a comforter between them. ) if nico doesn't pull away from him or brace a hand on percy's chest to put a halt to it, then he's letting go of his tight hold on his resolve. this time, he doesn't crush their mouths together ravenously. it's unhurried because he's not planning on running away. ]
[ this time, when percy draws him in for the kiss, nico can taste the way percy seems to have accepted this, even wants this in the way of a slow burn. like the son of the sea, nico is acutely aware how little clothes either of them wearing. his own thin pajama pants won't hide much if this continues too far. even the comforter between them will make little difference. but nico doesn't care. percy is kissing him because he wants to kiss him. and nico couldn't be happier.
nico neither lifts a hand nor tries to stop percy. he doesn't pull away but leans in, closer, wanting to presses himself against percy as his lips part. it's silent in the room save for the slow pressing of mouths and in nico's ears, it's the most beautiful sound he's ever heard. one of his hands reaches out to find percy's jaw, slides along it to curl fingers in the hair at percy's nape. there he holds, almost but not quite desperately. how long will this last, he wonders. before percy changes his mind, before annabeth comes back? how much time will he have with percy before it all comes crashing down as everything always does for him.
he can't let himself think about it much. not when percy's warm mouth is insistently pressed against his own. there's something different this time, at least. as if something in percy has changed and nico wants to explore it more.
eventually a quiet noise escapes him. a little needy and a little low. it's the sound of want. nico wants to pour himself over percy, feel the flame of desire burn through his veins. but that's too fast. keep it slow, he tells himself. keep it natural and let percy guide them however percy wants. ]
he leans in, reaches up and holds on. his touch sends jolts through percy's body. it's the same thrill he gets when he leaps without knowing where to land. in a city that can't offer him adventure, he wants to chase that rush. he releases nico's shirt in favor of trailing his hand down his side to his hip. he doesn't claw at him desperately this time like he's starving for any contact at all. but he does grasp at nico as if he needs something to hold onto. he's not sure what his own intentions are anymore, whether he means to keep him steady and at a comfortable distance or if he wants to put up zero resistance when it comes to nico leaning in. his hand slips ( it's no accident ) down to nico's thigh, then slides back up.
if percy's knuckles catch on the hem of nico's shirt and his palm grazes the bare skin of nico's stomach, or his hip, then he's not going to complain.
not when he's making sounds like that. his open desire encourages percy to keep going, to turn their soft press of lips into open-mouthed kissing. he's done holding himself back. maybe that's the ungodly hour of the night talking, but percy doesn't think twice about tilting his head to the side and trying to catch nico's bottom lip between his own. if the son of hades doesn't pull away for air first, then percy's gently sucking and grazing his teeth light as a feather against his lip.
he does pause after that, eyes open, just to look at nico and absorb the moment. only for a few seconds. ]
[ percy, likewise, tastes like adrenaline and warning and the freshness of the sea. it sits on nico's tongue, exhilarating and breath taking. he could drown alone in just the slow passing of their lips and die quite happy. but then percy is deepening the kiss, their tongues meet, and nico is lost in the thrill of being pressed so close. nico doesn't need percy's hunger or his desperation because the touch is enough to anchor him and make him sink in against the other demigod. the hand at percy's nape slides forward to cup against his neck and nico can feel the thrum of percy's pulse under his palm.
and then percy's hand is on his thigh, brushing warm and callused fingers against the fabric of his pj pants. his breath catches, breath hitching, and he wishes desperately that he had put on shorts instead of the flannel pants that had been within reach. if he'd gone with shorts, he'd be able to feel percy even more. he wants to feel every part of percy. wants to be so close that their bones blend and he can no longer tell himself apart from the son of the sea. then, maybe, nico would feel the completion in his soul that he's always sought.
slowly, though. slowly.
percy's hand moves again and this time, warm skin brushes against the coolness of nico's abdomen. the muscles of his stomach tense under the sensation and he shudders as another noise escapes him. percy has his lower lip caught and all he can do is dig fingers into the bedding at their side as he tries to grasp the enormity of the situation. only, that's hard to do with the blue light of percy's room reflecting off green eyes, making them look like the depths of the sea off the mediterranean coast.
[ right, slowly. they can do slow. so what if they go mindlessly and without brakes in their everyday lives? this is different, percy tells himself, with his hand under nico's shirt. he feels good. he trembles and percy sucks in a breath. he tries not to think of ways to make nico do that again. the contrast of their temperatures and nico's fingers twisting in his blanket are distracting. they chisel away at his resolve. he's not totally inexperienced. if they're not careful, he knows exactly where this is heading. it's part of the reason his hand's sliding back to his own side. he probably hasn't crossed a line ( he's positive nico would tell him if he had ) but he feels like he might.
if nico keeps looking at him like that, and saying his name like percy's stolen all the air from his lungs, he's not sure what will happen next. ]
Yeah? [ he flashes a lopsided smile, equally as goofy as it is mischievous. this is a side of nico he's never seen before. not so reserved. his walls are still up in some places but they're slipping. it's hard to resist the temptation to keep knocking them down, especially once he recognizes the effect he has on nico. ] Too much?
[ definitely the latter. nico feels a bit dazed, still breathless, and he already regrets the hand slipping away from his abdomen. he misses it like he might miss a limb and has to stop himself from reaching out and yanking percy back into a kiss. his resolve had been limited to begin with and it's even weaker now that he's feeling as light-headed as he is. gods, he wants this to head everywhere possible, and nico isn't sure he can stop them if percy doesn't.
and really, in nico's estimation, that doesn't seem like a bad thing. he's willing to give as much of himself to percy as percy wants because he never dreamed this would ever happen. he doubted the likelihood with percy always attached to annabeth's hip. and maybe he should feel a bit guilty about having percy this way when annabeth is gone, but he doesn't care. his mind is filled with the son of the sea and he wants those lips on him again. ]
No- No, I'm... [ he swallows, one hand reaching over to cup percy's cheek as nico gazes at him. without thinking, he licks his lips and misses the taste of percy's. ] Don't stop. Gods, please don't stop.
Wasn't planning on it. [ it sounds overly blunt once he says it out loud. he's not bashful about the admission though, it's only nico in here with him. he has known percy for years and if he's going to make a fool of himself, then at least it won't be the first time. he's afraid of screwing anything up between them but that breathy plea makes him feel pretty brave. reckless. maybe he doesn't have anything else left to lose. has nico always looked at him like he's invincible? he doesn't remember. he recalls the scathing looks, the literal dark shadows that hang around him ( or did back then ) and anything else, he'd assumed had been nico looking through him to get a better look at annabeth.
it seems silly now.
he glances down with nico's hand on his face, debating something, then throws back the blanket and scoots closer. right in front of him. his knee bumps into one of nico's, totally because he's trying to wedge his thigh between both of nico's. it's way more plausible and comfortable if nico lays back, but he's not really an it's impossible! kind of guy, so he tries anyway. there isn't a sliver of his comforter wedged between them now. ( who needs safety nets? ) it occurs to him that he's pressed flush against nico's hip and he's playing with fire here, especially when he's not unaffected by their kisses.
percy mirrors nico, cups the side of his face with his palm and strokes his cheek with his thumb. he's still in love with annabeth and he doubts anything in any universe can change that but this isn't meaningless to him. nico's feelings definitely aren't irrelevant to him. he leans in before he can say something stupid and pretends that the short hum that vibrates against nico's lips isn't coming from him. ]
[ those four words are like ambrosia to his ears. ever second of every moment they kiss, nico is realizing that percy really and truly wants him. wants him like this and sees just how much of an affect percy has on the son of hades. it's better than anything he's ever experienced and if just making out with percy feels like this, he can't help but wonder what everything else would feel like. but he has to pull the reins on that thought before it gets too far along. it would be far too easy for him to succumb to the way percy makes him feel and get hard before he can control himself.
and it's getting harder still with the way percy slides a knee between his thighs. nico descends back into the bedding with little prompting and finds his breath hitching more than he'd like it to. gods. how far will this go? should he say something? or would that be tempting fate? the gods knew just how much the both of them tended to do that every day.
in the back of his mind, the thought that this might be what percy does with annabeth curls like a small black shadow that he can't dispel. perhaps that will always be something between them, but nico reminds himself that even though percy undoubtedly loves annabeth more than life, that he, the son of hades, has somehow managed to make his way into percy's heart as well makes a swell of emotion rise in his chest. it feels as if it encapsulate him when percy's hand graces his cheek. it's so perfect that nico cannot help the small mewl that bubbles up against percy's mouth when their lips meet again. this time, nico wastes no time parting his lips and encouraging percy to do the same, the ball of his tongue stud almost clacking against his teeth. ]
[ percy has done this with annabeth. they've gone farther than heavy petting and making out on a bed, but he's never going to bring that up to nico unprompted. he knows that nico has been with other people too, that they're more experienced than percy himself is. those thoughts hang over him as well. he does his best to hold them at bay because he's not using nico as a replacement any more than nico is using him. this is where he wants to be, he realizes, and just one person he wants to be intimate with. it's a struggle for him to expand that beyond annabeth and nico and he's hoping he doesn't have to find out if he has that capability inside him. he doesn't know what it means ( what they mean to each other now ) but he goes with it in the only way he knows how - he keeps moving forward.
he whimpers and percy swallows it, feels it creep down his spine in a rush of heat, conscious of how fast sating a curiosity ( and wanting to be comforted ) can change into hunger. you can handle this, he reminds himself. maybe he can't. maybe this is his undoing. he likes how nico feels underneath him a little too much, how he grants percy the intensity in their kiss that he's starting to need ( instead of just wanting it. ) he hopes the groan that pours out of him isn't as loud as it seems to him in the quiet of the apartment they all share.
some part of him doesn't care if it's deafening, if it's the only audible noise in the entire city while the rest of the world sleeps. the stud on nico's tongue is a stark reminder of who he's with ( as if he could simply forget ) when he brushes his tongue against nico's to taste him again. he doesn't pull away at the unfamiliar sensation of the stud this time. up until kissing nico, he never would have thought he was into piercings all that much or that they made a difference. it's actually sort of hot, or maybe that's the intrusive i wonder where else that stud would feel good that pops into the back of his mind. sooner rather than later ( because he has zero chill and less and less of a want to control himself ), he shifts his hips to try and get more comfortable and gets the friction he swears he isn't searching for with a roll of his hips.
he gasps into nico's mouth ( pull back, pull back, pull back ) and tries to give it his best passing effort that he isn't chasing after more than this, more than their tongues brushing together and being with him. ]
[ there's no stopping it now. when percy's body rolls against him, firm and unyielding, nico can no more fight against the surge of pleasure that flares through him than a crumbling cliff can withstand the ocean's waves in a storm. he's drowning and nico certainly doesn't want to be saved. not from this. and certainly never from percy. he wants to fall apart right here, right now, under the boy he's loved since he was ten. and it seems like he just might because percy is ever-so-slowly eroding away whatever willpower nico has left to stop this.
maybe he should be thinking about how very little is keeping their bodies from pressing together completely. maybe he should be thinking about how this is the bed percy shared with annabeth. maybe he should be thinking about how will is in the bedroom next door, and might even hear them. but he can't. not with the way percy's groan resonates in his ears and all the way into his bones. not with the way percy gasps so openly into his mouth. he doesn't care about anything other than the way the world seems to fade as if it was nothing more than the shadows he controls.
the gasp percy makes is echoed when friction burns need straight to his groin. he arches into the way percy is now slotted so wonderfully between his legs and with one hand lodging itself in percy's hair, he reaches back and up to the headboard with the other. seeking something, anything to ground him again because all his inhibitions are being washed away thanks to the sea's favored son.
at some point, though (and despite how much he hates the realization), nico has to pull away because breathing through his nose just isn't enough. his heart drums against his rib cage as if seeking to break free and he pauses only long enough to mewl for percy before arching up and chasing after percy's lips for another kiss.
all too easily, nico realizes, they've pushed this... thing between them further than is possible to come back from. and all too easily, he knows, they could end up taking it further still. what he wonders, though, is how willing percy might be. nico finds himself almost afraid to ask. ]
not now when nico's careful grasp on his guard continues to slip. maybe the shadows have taken that hostage along with his common sense. he's not asking questions after he's settled between nico's thighs, not when he can feel how he practically molds himself to percy's body. he arches his back, reaches for the headboard and percy's hair like he's going to sink into the mattress and fall away if he doesn't. is he supposed to feel guilty for how much he needs to be needed like that? he gives his support freely, pins nico between his hips and the sheets by rubbing against him again. it's slow and intentional. an unrestrained twist of his hips as his hand slides away from nico's face and down to his waist to hold him together. or to drag him closer against his own body, he's not even sure which one of them he's trying to help anymore.
he sucks down air when nico breaks their kiss, panting ( cool, that's flattering ), and leans back into the kiss without hesitation. he flicks nico's tongue stud with his own tongue experimentally, fascinated by it, wonders briefly if it gives him any kind of satisfaction or if it's solely for looks... and his partner. he doesn't have to worry about blushing in this lighting at least.
percy feels like he's overheating. he's not pulling away from the kiss so much as he's pressing his lips to nico's reassuringly a couple times, right before his hand slides from his waist to the bed in order to support his weight. that, and he's peeling his shirt off over his head and tossing it wherever it happens to land. it sobers him up more than he means for it to and he swallows hard in the faint blue-tinted darkness. like it's only occurring to him now that he's thrown his shirt somewhere that he's in nothing but boxers and he knows nico can feel exactly how turned-on he is. his arm trembles, defying his brief restraint, but he wets his lips and tells his body to shut up. ]
Is this.. okay? [ self-explanatory, maybe, but this is new for him. ]
[ that same guard all but falls away as percy peels off his shirt. nico sucks in a breath, and he's so close to being molded completely against percy that his head feels light. there's even less separating them now and gods but he wants to feel more. percy is hard against him and all nico can think is i did this, i got him like this, he wants me like i want him. it's delirious and delicious and dangerous all at once. his eyes dilate sharply, making impossibly dark eyes even darker still. and what part of him that isn't grasping onto percy trembles with the realization of where this is going.
it's what he's dreamed about since he was old enough to understand his own body. a dream he never thought would ever be fulfilled and often left him with such an intense longing that even the cold of the underworld or the torture of tartarus seemed like nothing in comparison. he'd resigned himself to never having this, and yet... here he is, gazing up at percy with undisguised need and want. nico is flushed with both arousal and anticipation, hoping this will go exactly where it seems to be going.
( and all the while, part of him—that part that is the child of hades, forever holding onto grudges and bitterness and pain—wishes this had happened sooner. that he could've given his very first experience to percy. that this could be something that percy might have alone. but it's too late for that and too late for regret, so he'll cleave to this moment now and any moment he might get hereafter. )
not to be outdone, nico pushes his body up enough to begin tugging up his own shirt. it takes a bit of maneuvering, but soon enough it follows percy's to somewhere on the floor. visible now is how nico has grown. no longer just the scrawny boy percy met in maine but a lithe, strong demigod in his own right. not that nico finds himself all that appealing, at least not in comparison to the way undulating blue light lingers on the muscles of percy's bare chest. but apparently he's enough for percy and that alone sends a shiver through him. ]
Percy... [ his eyes go lidded for half a moment and then he looks up at the son of poseidon. all heat and lust and desperate need. ] Please. I want you.
[ nico looks at percy like he's still holding up the sky and he doesn't know what to do with how heavy that feels on his shoulders. he's nothing special underneath the circumstances he has been shoved into. anyone can do the things that he's done and honestly, in his opinion, there are much more impressive looking guys out there. and nico can have his pick of them ( especially here in the city of eudio ) and percy's aware of that because he's teased him about it. he just doesn't get it. why nico's in his bed when there's a guy in the next room whose heart isn't set on anyone else. that isn't covered in fresh scars from curses in tartarus, namely the big one that's courtesy of geryon.
he gives nico the room he needs to mirror him and shed his own shirt by sinking back onto his knees and sitting up, kneeling between nico's legs. his eyes roam greedily over the skin that's revealed to him. percy's palm isn't far behind. he trails it up nico's stomach to his chest, ghosts his fingers over nico's camp beads ( if he's still wearing them ) and lets it glide back down. he's firm under percy's hand ( and sexy, that's the word ) in a way that annabeth isn't. it's different but it's not less arousing.
his mouth is as dry as sandpaper when he meets nico's gaze and processes what he's saying. ]
Um, yeah. [ very eloquent, this guy. he crawls back over nico, settles back on top of him because he's not ready to ditch the one slip of fabric he has on, regardless of how little it's concealing with the front of his boxers tenting like they are. not that it isn't alluring with their bare chests touching and not that he doesn't want nico just as much but he's not ready for everything all at once. that nervous energy is hanging around him again, felt even in how he kisses nico. ]
I can— [ why is this so embarrassing? ] I can take care of you if you want. Or we can keep doing this? [ he suggests with another intentional grind of his hips. it's not enough, not nearly, he wants more and it's driving him crazy too but.. ] I've just. I've never gone all the way before.
[ it's times like this that remind nico that this boy hovering over him, while entirely heroic and loyal to a fault, is also just like him... a guy trying to figure out his place in the world. sure, percy will always be the one who saved him, time and time again, but nico is also fully aware that percy is not perfect. he's deeply flawed. and as percy stutters, hesitates, but still dives in like this is where he belongs, nico feels as if his heart might burst because he may have fallen in love with percy because of his heroism, but has stayed in love with percy because of his flaws as well. percy is so human and nico couldn't possibly want him to be anything other than who he is.
he's still incredibly turned on, of course. even more so now that percy's warm hands are gliding along his torso, jostling the camp beads around his throat. his breath hitches and he has to swallow hard because he can feel his nipples tighten and the look percy gives him makes him tremble again. he wonders vaguely how he looks in percy's eyes and what he's thinking, but for as much as he might tease percy about having kelp for brains or the like, percy is as complicated as they come. he has depth like the ocean from whence his power comes and nico will never not be astonished by what he sees in percy's eyes.
percy might not think he's enough, that he's just some regular guy who's had to carry more weight than a person should ever rightly be burdened with, but nico knows what that weight feels like and he wants to help percy carry it. so, dragging his fingers out of percy's hair, he allows hilt-callused fingers trail along percy's jaw. across percy's lips as he licks his own. he rolls his hips up against percy's and then slowly shakes his head.
if this is percy's first time... well, shouldn't it be with someone he loves? isn't that what percy has always wanted? nico remembers the sunny day in camp when percy had been so elated by the acceptance annabeth had given him to the idea of going together to new rome. and though the memory makes him feel like his heart is being squeezed, nico can't bring himself to ruin anything like that between percy and annabeth. they truly do belong together and if he can just be a part of percy's heart while she dominates the rest, he would be content with that.
carefully, and if percy allows it, nico flexes his thighs, intending to guide percy onto his back. if percy's comfortable with it, he'll settle atop percy's lap and lean over him, holding his gaze. he knows just how much pressure has been placed on percy's shoulders through the years. part of that had been his fault in expecting a thirteen-year-old to protect his sister as if percy were someone to set on a pedestal. but he knows what it's like to bear the scars of tartarus, knows that being a demigod means being thrust into situations you can't control, can't choose. in this case, he wants percy to have the chance to decide for himself. ]
Or... I can take care of you. [ his voice is far more sturdy than he'd expected, especially considering how breathless percy has made him. ] What do you want?
[ he has no reason to put up a fight. nico flips their positions and percy rolls with it, having no qualms with nico on top of him. he's leaning over him, pumping the brakes, and all percy can think about is how much he enjoys nico's weight on his lap, how he wants to keep rubbing against him, how much of a distraction he is from their conversation which is more significant than his physical needs. he reaches for nico's hips and graps them lightly, just somewhere to rest his hands. his teeth dig into his lower lip because he's torturing himself with the thought of dragging nico down against him, of holding him there, and he has to toss his head back and look at the ceiling to focus.
get it together, jackson. ]
No, [ he says with perfect clarity, attention back on nico. ] I'm not using you. I don't want you to feel like you have to take care of me just because I'm hard. [ yes, he knows there's more to it than that for nico but it doesn't sit right with him, like somehow because he's more experienced it's okay for him to get percy off but not the other way around.
his stare is strange as if the question catches him off guard. what does he want? that's a thing? he sighs, wondering how it is that nico does that. he cuts through everything else and gets right to the point. he doesn't ramble on or waste his words and he's always been that way. so sure of his choice even in the midst of chaos. he knows what he wants, it's easy for him to answer that. percy, not so much. ]
I don't know. [ helpful! ] I don't want it to be one-sided. I want us both to enjoy this, or I don't want anything. [ so many people have taken things from nico. bianca took his hope for a family, hades took away his hope for learning about his past, percy took him for granted for a long time, and then there's cupid, taking his chance to decide for himself how he wants to accept himself. he doesn't want to add to that. he doesn't want to keep pushing and pulling because nico can bend without breaking.
he brushes his fingers across nico's waistband, contemplating dropping his palm and covering his erection with it. he's strongly considering it, but he hesitates. percy wants to hear what he has to say because he usually has a reasonable solution for all parties. he's good at that. ]
Edited (typos because 5am tagging) 2017-03-20 18:03 (UTC)
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[ he's skeptical about repeating the invitation, if only because there are other dreams. unmentionable ones. suddenly, he feels very self-conscious about Nico walking around in his dreams, seeing all there is to see. ]
Yeah. Why not? If it helps you sleep, I'm okay with it. [ he's shrugging, playing it down, but it's the wry grin that has him tacking on: ] But you can't hold whatever you see in there against me.
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slowly, almost nervously, he reaches out for one of percy's hands. if he stumbles over something strange or even unmentionable, it's more than likely he'll keep such things to himself. ]
Your dreams can't be any more weird than some of the other stuff we've been through. Anyway, we should find a way to help you get some sleep tonight.
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in bed together.
as friends.
it's just a hand. it's only Nico's hand. he tells himself to get a grip and links their fingers, glad for the company. ]
They're pretty normal for a demigod... and a guy. [ why does he go there? his dreams are about as mortifying as pointing that out. ] I don't know why I said that. Go ahead and pretend I didn't. I'm already getting tired. You can tell by the word avalanche.
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he gives the hand now in his a gentle squeeze. ]
It's okay. I get it. I'm a guy too, remember? [ wryly. ] And you always talk a lot. It's one of the things I've always liked about you.
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mhm.
totally cool. ] Keep them coming. Really.
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I could. Maybe. If....
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he props himself up on his elbows slowly to meet nico somewhere in the middle and drags his hand away in the process, if only to support himself better. with nico looking down, it doesn't seem like he's too close. ] ...If?
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self-consciously licking his lips and finding them a bit dry, he wonders how to respond. his original idea of a sarcastic remark seems to have evaporated. ]
If... you let me kiss you again.
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he watches nico wet his lips and curls his fingers in the sheets to steady himself.
it's dark but not so dark that he can't see. there's a wash of blue light over the room from a starfish-shaped light in the corner of the room but he knows nico could still find his features in the pitch black of night. to him his own heartbeat is the loudest sound in the room. ] Is that what you want?
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the moment passes for nico in both an instant and over the span of eternity. he doesn't hold his breath, but when percy does respond, he swallows. if percy's heart is loud to him, nico doesn't hear it. in his own ears is the sound of his breathing and the measured thrumming of his own heart. he doesn't think about will, doesn't think about how thin the walls are, doesn't think about anything but the way percy's mouth moves. ]
If it's okay with you.
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and percy thinks about how tired he is of doing what's expected of him - being a pawn on a chess board, running errands for the gods, giving up annabeth by being here and following this stupid city's rules - and he thinks about how nico is right here in front of him and how nico doesn't care about the fact that percy can't promise him anything. ( for once in his life, he's working on not making empty promises. ) he hates himself for it a little ( in the same way he'd hated hearing annabeth say his name with fear in it in tartarus ) but it doesn't stop him because people are counting on him, and annabeth isn't here.
she's not here.
nico is.
he does what he does best and he stops thinking. percy grabs nico by the collar of his shirt and drags him in for a kiss, still leaning back on one arm to support his weight. it's not a bright idea, not when he's in nothing but a white shirt and a pair of black boxers. ( if he were still thinking, he'd remind himself it's okay because there's a comforter between them. ) if nico doesn't pull away from him or brace a hand on percy's chest to put a halt to it, then he's letting go of his tight hold on his resolve. this time, he doesn't crush their mouths together ravenously. it's unhurried because he's not planning on running away. ]
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nico neither lifts a hand nor tries to stop percy. he doesn't pull away but leans in, closer, wanting to presses himself against percy as his lips part. it's silent in the room save for the slow pressing of mouths and in nico's ears, it's the most beautiful sound he's ever heard. one of his hands reaches out to find percy's jaw, slides along it to curl fingers in the hair at percy's nape. there he holds, almost but not quite desperately. how long will this last, he wonders. before percy changes his mind, before annabeth comes back? how much time will he have with percy before it all comes crashing down as everything always does for him.
he can't let himself think about it much. not when percy's warm mouth is insistently pressed against his own. there's something different this time, at least. as if something in percy has changed and nico wants to explore it more.
eventually a quiet noise escapes him. a little needy and a little low. it's the sound of want. nico wants to pour himself over percy, feel the flame of desire burn through his veins. but that's too fast. keep it slow, he tells himself. keep it natural and let percy guide them however percy wants. ]
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he leans in, reaches up and holds on. his touch sends jolts through percy's body. it's the same thrill he gets when he leaps without knowing where to land. in a city that can't offer him adventure, he wants to chase that rush. he releases nico's shirt in favor of trailing his hand down his side to his hip. he doesn't claw at him desperately this time like he's starving for any contact at all. but he does grasp at nico as if he needs something to hold onto. he's not sure what his own intentions are anymore, whether he means to keep him steady and at a comfortable distance or if he wants to put up zero resistance when it comes to nico leaning in. his hand slips ( it's no accident ) down to nico's thigh, then slides back up.
if percy's knuckles catch on the hem of nico's shirt and his palm grazes the bare skin of nico's stomach, or his hip, then he's not going to complain.
not when he's making sounds like that. his open desire encourages percy to keep going, to turn their soft press of lips into open-mouthed kissing. he's done holding himself back. maybe that's the ungodly hour of the night talking, but percy doesn't think twice about tilting his head to the side and trying to catch nico's bottom lip between his own. if the son of hades doesn't pull away for air first, then percy's gently sucking and grazing his teeth light as a feather against his lip.
he does pause after that, eyes open, just to look at nico and absorb the moment. only for a few seconds. ]
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and then percy's hand is on his thigh, brushing warm and callused fingers against the fabric of his pj pants. his breath catches, breath hitching, and he wishes desperately that he had put on shorts instead of the flannel pants that had been within reach. if he'd gone with shorts, he'd be able to feel percy even more. he wants to feel every part of percy. wants to be so close that their bones blend and he can no longer tell himself apart from the son of the sea. then, maybe, nico would feel the completion in his soul that he's always sought.
slowly, though. slowly.
percy's hand moves again and this time, warm skin brushes against the coolness of nico's abdomen. the muscles of his stomach tense under the sensation and he shudders as another noise escapes him. percy has his lower lip caught and all he can do is dig fingers into the bedding at their side as he tries to grasp the enormity of the situation. only, that's hard to do with the blue light of percy's room reflecting off green eyes, making them look like the depths of the sea off the mediterranean coast.
he can't breathe. ]
Percy...
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if nico keeps looking at him like that, and saying his name like percy's stolen all the air from his lungs, he's not sure what will happen next. ]
Yeah? [ he flashes a lopsided smile, equally as goofy as it is mischievous. this is a side of nico he's never seen before. not so reserved. his walls are still up in some places but they're slipping. it's hard to resist the temptation to keep knocking them down, especially once he recognizes the effect he has on nico. ] Too much?
[ or not enough? ]
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and really, in nico's estimation, that doesn't seem like a bad thing. he's willing to give as much of himself to percy as percy wants because he never dreamed this would ever happen. he doubted the likelihood with percy always attached to annabeth's hip. and maybe he should feel a bit guilty about having percy this way when annabeth is gone, but he doesn't care. his mind is filled with the son of the sea and he wants those lips on him again. ]
No- No, I'm... [ he swallows, one hand reaching over to cup percy's cheek as nico gazes at him. without thinking, he licks his lips and misses the taste of percy's. ] Don't stop. Gods, please don't stop.
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it seems silly now.
he glances down with nico's hand on his face, debating something, then throws back the blanket and scoots closer. right in front of him. his knee bumps into one of nico's, totally because he's trying to wedge his thigh between both of nico's. it's way more plausible and comfortable if nico lays back, but he's not really an it's impossible! kind of guy, so he tries anyway. there isn't a sliver of his comforter wedged between them now. ( who needs safety nets? ) it occurs to him that he's pressed flush against nico's hip and he's playing with fire here, especially when he's not unaffected by their kisses.
percy mirrors nico, cups the side of his face with his palm and strokes his cheek with his thumb. he's still in love with annabeth and he doubts anything in any universe can change that but this isn't meaningless to him. nico's feelings definitely aren't irrelevant to him. he leans in before he can say something stupid and pretends that the short hum that vibrates against nico's lips isn't coming from him. ]
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and it's getting harder still with the way percy slides a knee between his thighs. nico descends back into the bedding with little prompting and finds his breath hitching more than he'd like it to. gods. how far will this go? should he say something? or would that be tempting fate? the gods knew just how much the both of them tended to do that every day.
in the back of his mind, the thought that this might be what percy does with annabeth curls like a small black shadow that he can't dispel. perhaps that will always be something between them, but nico reminds himself that even though percy undoubtedly loves annabeth more than life, that he, the son of hades, has somehow managed to make his way into percy's heart as well makes a swell of emotion rise in his chest. it feels as if it encapsulate him when percy's hand graces his cheek. it's so perfect that nico cannot help the small mewl that bubbles up against percy's mouth when their lips meet again. this time, nico wastes no time parting his lips and encouraging percy to do the same, the ball of his tongue stud almost clacking against his teeth. ]
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he whimpers and percy swallows it, feels it creep down his spine in a rush of heat, conscious of how fast sating a curiosity ( and wanting to be comforted ) can change into hunger. you can handle this, he reminds himself. maybe he can't. maybe this is his undoing. he likes how nico feels underneath him a little too much, how he grants percy the intensity in their kiss that he's starting to need ( instead of just wanting it. ) he hopes the groan that pours out of him isn't as loud as it seems to him in the quiet of the apartment they all share.
some part of him doesn't care if it's deafening, if it's the only audible noise in the entire city while the rest of the world sleeps. the stud on nico's tongue is a stark reminder of who he's with ( as if he could simply forget ) when he brushes his tongue against nico's to taste him again. he doesn't pull away at the unfamiliar sensation of the stud this time. up until kissing nico, he never would have thought he was into piercings all that much or that they made a difference. it's actually sort of hot, or maybe that's the intrusive i wonder where else that stud would feel good that pops into the back of his mind. sooner rather than later ( because he has zero chill and less and less of a want to control himself ), he shifts his hips to try and get more comfortable and gets the friction he swears he isn't searching for with a roll of his hips.
he gasps into nico's mouth ( pull back, pull back, pull back ) and tries to give it his best passing effort that he isn't chasing after more than this, more than their tongues brushing together and being with him. ]
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maybe he should be thinking about how very little is keeping their bodies from pressing together completely. maybe he should be thinking about how this is the bed percy shared with annabeth. maybe he should be thinking about how will is in the bedroom next door, and might even hear them. but he can't. not with the way percy's groan resonates in his ears and all the way into his bones. not with the way percy gasps so openly into his mouth. he doesn't care about anything other than the way the world seems to fade as if it was nothing more than the shadows he controls.
the gasp percy makes is echoed when friction burns need straight to his groin. he arches into the way percy is now slotted so wonderfully between his legs and with one hand lodging itself in percy's hair, he reaches back and up to the headboard with the other. seeking something, anything to ground him again because all his inhibitions are being washed away thanks to the sea's favored son.
at some point, though (and despite how much he hates the realization), nico has to pull away because breathing through his nose just isn't enough. his heart drums against his rib cage as if seeking to break free and he pauses only long enough to mewl for percy before arching up and chasing after percy's lips for another kiss.
all too easily, nico realizes, they've pushed this... thing between them further than is possible to come back from. and all too easily, he knows, they could end up taking it further still. what he wonders, though, is how willing percy might be. nico finds himself almost afraid to ask. ]
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not now when nico's careful grasp on his guard continues to slip. maybe the shadows have taken that hostage along with his common sense. he's not asking questions after he's settled between nico's thighs, not when he can feel how he practically molds himself to percy's body. he arches his back, reaches for the headboard and percy's hair like he's going to sink into the mattress and fall away if he doesn't. is he supposed to feel guilty for how much he needs to be needed like that? he gives his support freely, pins nico between his hips and the sheets by rubbing against him again. it's slow and intentional. an unrestrained twist of his hips as his hand slides away from nico's face and down to his waist to hold him together. or to drag him closer against his own body, he's not even sure which one of them he's trying to help anymore.
he sucks down air when nico breaks their kiss, panting ( cool, that's flattering ), and leans back into the kiss without hesitation. he flicks nico's tongue stud with his own tongue experimentally, fascinated by it, wonders briefly if it gives him any kind of satisfaction or if it's solely for looks... and his partner. he doesn't have to worry about blushing in this lighting at least.
percy feels like he's overheating. he's not pulling away from the kiss so much as he's pressing his lips to nico's reassuringly a couple times, right before his hand slides from his waist to the bed in order to support his weight. that, and he's peeling his shirt off over his head and tossing it wherever it happens to land. it sobers him up more than he means for it to and he swallows hard in the faint blue-tinted darkness. like it's only occurring to him now that he's thrown his shirt somewhere that he's in nothing but boxers and he knows nico can feel exactly how turned-on he is. his arm trembles, defying his brief restraint, but he wets his lips and tells his body to shut up. ]
Is this.. okay? [ self-explanatory, maybe, but this is new for him. ]
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it's what he's dreamed about since he was old enough to understand his own body. a dream he never thought would ever be fulfilled and often left him with such an intense longing that even the cold of the underworld or the torture of tartarus seemed like nothing in comparison. he'd resigned himself to never having this, and yet... here he is, gazing up at percy with undisguised need and want. nico is flushed with both arousal and anticipation, hoping this will go exactly where it seems to be going.
( and all the while, part of him—that part that is the child of hades, forever holding onto grudges and bitterness and pain—wishes this had happened sooner. that he could've given his very first experience to percy. that this could be something that percy might have alone. but it's too late for that and too late for regret, so he'll cleave to this moment now and any moment he might get hereafter. )
not to be outdone, nico pushes his body up enough to begin tugging up his own shirt. it takes a bit of maneuvering, but soon enough it follows percy's to somewhere on the floor. visible now is how nico has grown. no longer just the scrawny boy percy met in maine but a lithe, strong demigod in his own right. not that nico finds himself all that appealing, at least not in comparison to the way undulating blue light lingers on the muscles of percy's bare chest. but apparently he's enough for percy and that alone sends a shiver through him. ]
Percy... [ his eyes go lidded for half a moment and then he looks up at the son of poseidon. all heat and lust and desperate need. ] Please. I want you.
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he gives nico the room he needs to mirror him and shed his own shirt by sinking back onto his knees and sitting up, kneeling between nico's legs. his eyes roam greedily over the skin that's revealed to him. percy's palm isn't far behind. he trails it up nico's stomach to his chest, ghosts his fingers over nico's camp beads ( if he's still wearing them ) and lets it glide back down. he's firm under percy's hand ( and sexy, that's the word ) in a way that annabeth isn't. it's different but it's not less arousing.
his mouth is as dry as sandpaper when he meets nico's gaze and processes what he's saying. ]
Um, yeah. [ very eloquent, this guy. he crawls back over nico, settles back on top of him because he's not ready to ditch the one slip of fabric he has on, regardless of how little it's concealing with the front of his boxers tenting like they are. not that it isn't alluring with their bare chests touching and not that he doesn't want nico just as much but he's not ready for everything all at once. that nervous energy is hanging around him again, felt even in how he kisses nico. ]
I can— [ why is this so embarrassing? ] I can take care of you if you want. Or we can keep doing this? [ he suggests with another intentional grind of his hips. it's not enough, not nearly, he wants more and it's driving him crazy too but.. ] I've just. I've never gone all the way before.
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he's still incredibly turned on, of course. even more so now that percy's warm hands are gliding along his torso, jostling the camp beads around his throat. his breath hitches and he has to swallow hard because he can feel his nipples tighten and the look percy gives him makes him tremble again. he wonders vaguely how he looks in percy's eyes and what he's thinking, but for as much as he might tease percy about having kelp for brains or the like, percy is as complicated as they come. he has depth like the ocean from whence his power comes and nico will never not be astonished by what he sees in percy's eyes.
percy might not think he's enough, that he's just some regular guy who's had to carry more weight than a person should ever rightly be burdened with, but nico knows what that weight feels like and he wants to help percy carry it. so, dragging his fingers out of percy's hair, he allows hilt-callused fingers trail along percy's jaw. across percy's lips as he licks his own. he rolls his hips up against percy's and then slowly shakes his head.
if this is percy's first time... well, shouldn't it be with someone he loves? isn't that what percy has always wanted? nico remembers the sunny day in camp when percy had been so elated by the acceptance annabeth had given him to the idea of going together to new rome. and though the memory makes him feel like his heart is being squeezed, nico can't bring himself to ruin anything like that between percy and annabeth. they truly do belong together and if he can just be a part of percy's heart while she dominates the rest, he would be content with that.
carefully, and if percy allows it, nico flexes his thighs, intending to guide percy onto his back. if percy's comfortable with it, he'll settle atop percy's lap and lean over him, holding his gaze. he knows just how much pressure has been placed on percy's shoulders through the years. part of that had been his fault in expecting a thirteen-year-old to protect his sister as if percy were someone to set on a pedestal. but he knows what it's like to bear the scars of tartarus, knows that being a demigod means being thrust into situations you can't control, can't choose. in this case, he wants percy to have the chance to decide for himself. ]
Or... I can take care of you. [ his voice is far more sturdy than he'd expected, especially considering how breathless percy has made him. ] What do you want?
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get it together, jackson. ]
No, [ he says with perfect clarity, attention back on nico. ] I'm not using you. I don't want you to feel like you have to take care of me just because I'm hard. [ yes, he knows there's more to it than that for nico but it doesn't sit right with him, like somehow because he's more experienced it's okay for him to get percy off but not the other way around.
his stare is strange as if the question catches him off guard. what does he want? that's a thing? he sighs, wondering how it is that nico does that. he cuts through everything else and gets right to the point. he doesn't ramble on or waste his words and he's always been that way. so sure of his choice even in the midst of chaos. he knows what he wants, it's easy for him to answer that. percy, not so much. ]
I don't know. [ helpful! ] I don't want it to be one-sided. I want us both to enjoy this, or I don't want anything. [ so many people have taken things from nico. bianca took his hope for a family, hades took away his hope for learning about his past, percy took him for granted for a long time, and then there's cupid, taking his chance to decide for himself how he wants to accept himself. he doesn't want to add to that. he doesn't want to keep pushing and pulling because nico can bend without breaking.
he brushes his fingers across nico's waistband, contemplating dropping his palm and covering his erection with it. he's strongly considering it, but he hesitates. percy wants to hear what he has to say because he usually has a reasonable solution for all parties. he's good at that. ]
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forever and a day later
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