[ for a few seconds, there's the occasional blink suggesting he's typing something but then it disappears, indicating he won't be sending what he'd originally typed. ]
[ When a six-foot god is suddenly there in the same room between eye-blinks, Loki looks to have teleported over straight from home; jeans and soft layered tees (UNIVERSITY OF ASGARDIA), a hand on a hip as he looks around for Nico. He hitches up a half-smile, trying to read the demigod's body-language. ]
[ meanwhile, nico is curled up on his bed, dressed in his usual attire, and with knees pulled to his chest. his chin is settled atop his arms, covering his knees and as he hears loki's voice, he looks up.
he's a bit bleary eyed, as if he might have been crying, though he hasn't. whatever the issue is, it's clearly plaguing him more than his usual nightmares. the constant dark circles under his eyes have grown darker because he hasn't been sleeping and typically dark eyes look even more like shattered glass. ]
You look to be in less than excellent spirits, shadowboy.
[ Approaching cautiously, he perches on the edge of the bed inclined to face Nico. Understatements being a thing, Loki waits to hear more and when he doesn't he fills in the silence with a quiet joke, green eyes searching Nico's haggard features. ]
You can have the dagger back if you like it so much.
[ shaking his head fervently as he looks up at loki. at times like this, he's not accustomed to reaching out, but he can tell loki is trying to help in the godling's own strange ways. ]
No, it's your birthday present. I want you to have it. It's just...
[ a pause as he opens his arms and stares down at his palms. ]
She'd be Percy's age, you know. And I'm starting to forget what her face looked like.
If what you seek is a glimpse of a memory, that's entirely possible. I helped build the memory-share devices that are doled out by the government every few months, you could immerse yourself in the past for a while. [ He shrugs, not wanting to pry because he knows he won't stop and Nico probably doesn't need selfish intrigue in his life right now. ] You could see anyone's face with perfect clarity, whether they're here or ... not.
[ except now that he's talking, it all comes out like a land slide, starting slow but building momentum as if propelled by gravity. ]
I don't want to linger in the past. I want her here in the present. She was all I had and then- And then she was gone and I could feel the buzzing in my ears telling me she was dead. It's been years, but it still hurts and- And I still miss her. She was all the family I had. I just- I wish she would've let me bring her back, I wish she would've let me resurrect her, I wish she'd not gone on that stupid quest. I wish- [ he chokes on a dry sob. ] I miss my sister.
[ It's an uncomfortable experience when logical suggestions fail to provide any sort of emotional buoy and Loki is left to pick up the wreckage himself. He's not very good at it, even now after months spent in the company of someone like Dick Grayson who radiates empathy, every angle Loki thinks of spinning on Nico's grief feels like the coldest comfort possible, a Jotnar outlook that he would rather not own. He's the trickster and the puzzle-master, but lies won't fool Nico when the boy is so immersed on his grief; at least Loki can relate to how that feels.
Silvertongue bears little fruitful weight here at a sad child's bedside. That's for the best, he recognises, because Loki isn't the one who needs to talk right now. ]
She was... [ his lips part and close, as if he might be gasping for air and in a way he is. it's too easy to drown in grief, the echos of the arai haunting him, reminding him of what he's lost as the laughter of misery herself rings in his ears. you're perfect, the goddess had told him. and it had all started the night he'd lost his only family.
sure, he has hazel now, but hazel is a world away and one room over is the boy who was there that day he felt the ringing in his ears, his birthright coming to call with the death of bianca. ]
She was brave and kind. Stubborn as well. She always took care of me. Even after she joined the Hunters, she thought about me. [ he glances up towards his desk where sits a small figurine of his father; the only figure he'd kept when he'd burned all the rest of his mythomagic items in his styx-side fire. ] And she was beautiful.
[ Taking the loose cue to get some energy in the room, muted as it is with his stroll to the desk where he picks up the little figurine, Loki spends a moment seemingly debating the sour Hades before shooting Nico a squint. ]
That solves one mystery. You both got your looks from your mother.
[ a huff of a mirthless laugh; he still doesn't think himself very appealing but doesn't bother arguing the point at the moment. ]
She died this time of year. Right before the winter solstice. I'll never forget that, even if I can't quite recall her face. And even after all this time, despite everything I've learned about my powers... I can't bring her back. She's chosen reincarnation. Even if I met her again, I wouldn't know her.
[ Sinking down on the other side of the bed, now closer to Nico, the little statue in Loki's palm glows green and starts dancing its knock-knees off like it can't decide whether to be a flapper or John Travolta.
Loki lifts his attention back to Nico. ]
Rebirth is only an option when you feel you've lived the best life you can, its memory fills you up. Your heart bursts with gratitude for all the chances and loved ones you had. It sounds as though your sister died loving you without limit and you made her life complete, even if she passed prematurely. It's a very brave thing, to become someone new.
[ Just as Nico said she was, brave etc, although Loki agrees for his own reasons. There's a moment where his gaze flickers, then fixes back on Nico. ]
I'm sure if anyone gave her the strength to do that, it was you.
[ for a moment, nico's eyes close, his brows furrowing as if he's warring against something within him. he is. it's his grief he's fighting and though nothing can bring his sister back, loki's words breathe life into a realization that nico has never had before. he recalls what he knows of loki's past and understands, then, that loki is speaking from a place of experience. how many times has loki been reborn as someone new? after the old man was the boy and now the young god that sits before him. if anyone knows what rebirth means, it's him.
slowly unwinding from his position, he crawls towards loki. six months ago, he wouldn't have been able to bring himself to do this because six months ago, he was still struggling with accepting who he is. now, he can cast aside the doubts and fears about being accepted because he knows he is. so he reaches for loki's free hand and entwines their fingers. ]
Father wouldn't appreciate that much you know. [ wryly spoken as he shyly looks up at the godling. ] Thank you.
[ Simply staying where he is so Nico can take hold of him, he raises a brow to huff more lightly than before. The Thank you is silently accepted with a squeeze around Nico's fingers. ]
Well! I'm definitely feeding him scenes from Saturday Night but I've got no idea where all that twerking is coming from. That's one-hundred percent your dad, sorry to say.
You've ruined nothing. I'm in a cute boy's bedroom on my birthday, it's starting off well.
[ An arm slings around Nico's waist as Loki tilts his head to peck him on the cheek in return. The toy stops dancing, returning to a sedate pose. He thumbs the base curiously. ]
[ hesitates as he reaches out for the figure (it's not a toy!) and lowers his hand. ]
It was. Part of a game I used to play called Mythomagic. After Bianca died, I burned most of my collection. This is all I have left. I couldn't burn it because she... She died getting it for me.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Honestly I thought it was licorice at first.
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happy birthday, loki
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[ Midgardian sentiments are hard, that one will do. At least he's grateful. ]
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Nico???
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Can I come over?
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i wouldn't be much fun today
but if you really want to
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What's up, buttercup?
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he's a bit bleary eyed, as if he might have been crying, though he hasn't. whatever the issue is, it's clearly plaguing him more than his usual nightmares. the constant dark circles under his eyes have grown darker because he hasn't been sleeping and typically dark eyes look even more like shattered glass. ]
Hey.
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[ Approaching cautiously, he perches on the edge of the bed inclined to face Nico. Understatements being a thing, Loki waits to hear more and when he doesn't he fills in the silence with a quiet joke, green eyes searching Nico's haggard features. ]
You can have the dagger back if you like it so much.
[ Tell me what's actually wrong? ]
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No, it's your birthday present. I want you to have it. It's just...
[ a pause as he opens his arms and stares down at his palms. ]
She'd be Percy's age, you know. And I'm starting to forget what her face looked like.
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If what you seek is a glimpse of a memory, that's entirely possible. I helped build the memory-share devices that are doled out by the government every few months, you could immerse yourself in the past for a while. [ He shrugs, not wanting to pry because he knows he won't stop and Nico probably doesn't need selfish intrigue in his life right now. ] You could see anyone's face with perfect clarity, whether they're here or ... not.
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I don't want to linger in the past. I want her here in the present. She was all I had and then- And then she was gone and I could feel the buzzing in my ears telling me she was dead. It's been years, but it still hurts and- And I still miss her. She was all the family I had. I just- I wish she would've let me bring her back, I wish she would've let me resurrect her, I wish she'd not gone on that stupid quest. I wish- [ he chokes on a dry sob. ] I miss my sister.
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Silvertongue bears little fruitful weight here at a sad child's bedside. That's for the best, he recognises, because Loki isn't the one who needs to talk right now. ]
What was she like, your sister?
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sure, he has hazel now, but hazel is a world away and one room over is the boy who was there that day he felt the ringing in his ears, his birthright coming to call with the death of bianca. ]
She was brave and kind. Stubborn as well. She always took care of me. Even after she joined the Hunters, she thought about me. [ he glances up towards his desk where sits a small figurine of his father; the only figure he'd kept when he'd burned all the rest of his mythomagic items in his styx-side fire. ] And she was beautiful.
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That solves one mystery. You both got your looks from your mother.
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She died this time of year. Right before the winter solstice. I'll never forget that, even if I can't quite recall her face. And even after all this time, despite everything I've learned about my powers... I can't bring her back. She's chosen reincarnation. Even if I met her again, I wouldn't know her.
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[ Sinking down on the other side of the bed, now closer to Nico, the little statue in Loki's palm glows green and starts dancing its knock-knees off like it can't decide whether to be a flapper or John Travolta.
Loki lifts his attention back to Nico. ]
Rebirth is only an option when you feel you've lived the best life you can, its memory fills you up. Your heart bursts with gratitude for all the chances and loved ones you had. It sounds as though your sister died loving you without limit and you made her life complete, even if she passed prematurely. It's a very brave thing, to become someone new.
[ Just as Nico said she was, brave etc, although Loki agrees for his own reasons. There's a moment where his gaze flickers, then fixes back on Nico. ]
I'm sure if anyone gave her the strength to do that, it was you.
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slowly unwinding from his position, he crawls towards loki. six months ago, he wouldn't have been able to bring himself to do this because six months ago, he was still struggling with accepting who he is. now, he can cast aside the doubts and fears about being accepted because he knows he is. so he reaches for loki's free hand and entwines their fingers. ]
Father wouldn't appreciate that much you know. [ wryly spoken as he shyly looks up at the godling. ] Thank you.
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Well! I'm definitely feeding him scenes from Saturday Night but I've got no idea where all that twerking is coming from. That's one-hundred percent your dad, sorry to say.
[ Nudging Nico with an elbow. ]
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It's kind of like watching a skeleton dance. Appropriate.
[ a beat and then- ]
Sorry for ruining your birthday.
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[ An arm slings around Nico's waist as Loki tilts his head to peck him on the cheek in return. The toy stops dancing, returning to a sedate pose. He thumbs the base curiously. ]
Is this part of a collection?
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It was. Part of a game I used to play called Mythomagic. After Bianca died, I burned most of my collection. This is all I have left. I couldn't burn it because she... She died getting it for me.
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